Melissa Pizzo has had four babies by Cesarean, and four completely different experiences! With her last birth, a scheduled Cesarean, she knew what she wanted and she made sure she got it. That included hiring a doula to hold emotional space for her and her husband in the OR. How ever babies are born, it’s a special and sacred time, and one where the emotional, psychological, and social needs of the person giving birth should be priorities.

In Her Words:

I really embrace that this is what was supposed to be and this is how it is and I have these experiences–like, going from my first cesarean to my fourth cesarean, and seeing the progress and what has changed, I think that that part is where I can be like, oh my gosh, I’ve really grown! And I’ve really been able to voice what I want and what I need. And then being able to feel heard is very important. So those things have happened for me compared to that first birth when I didn’t feel heard and I didn’t feel like I had a voice, and I didn’t feel empowered at all. And I walked away very, very traumatized. To then have a completely different experience on the other side of it with my fourth cesarean.

Hiring a doula for me [in the fourth birth] was really important for several reasons. One was to have someone in the room so that my husband can kind of focus on his own feelings, his own experience of the birth… And I want someone there to say what’s happening, what’s going, and also how are you feeling right now and rubbing my forehead. Just soothing me, while my husband doesn’t have to.

Another thing that our doula did for us is she took pictures, which is amazing. Who doesn’t want pictures of your birth?

There were other moments, too. Before I went into the OR, they were having a hard time getting an IV in. I was getting poked so many times, I was having a real meltdown at that point–like, we are not doing this! And Carrie was there, my doula, to be able to really talk to me and calm me down and she took out a little back massaging thing and definitely calmed my nerves, which was needed at that time.

Some friends, some family members, might say something like, “You should just feel happy because your baby is healthy and nothing was wrong.” And I think that those words are not helpful. Not one bit. Because it is okay to say I’m so happy that I have a baby and I’m also sad that the birth didn’t go the way I wanted it to go.

It’s really, really important that we love our scars. And that we are grateful for them. And that we take care of them. It’s a very tender spot now! It’s definitely still a work in progress, but it’s something I strive for. That I love my scar and that it birthed my babies and that I look at it and I’m like, wow, you are an amazing woman who was able to give birth four times this other way.