In this emotional episode, New Mexico mom Jennifer Smith describes having a Cesarean without consent after medical staff ignored her decision to have a vaginal birth rather than repeat surgery, and her trauma afterwards.

“I’m numb from the waist down and I have no idea what they’re doing to my lower body. I’m just this object lying on a table for them to cut up. And they don’t care. And I can’t scream out. Because I don’t think anybody’s going to listen to me. And I’m scared… I’m trying to stay awake.

And I remember it was awful because the whole time in my head–and I can’t scream out and I was so frustrated because I can’t scream out–I’m sitting there going, ‘I don’t want to do this I don’t want to do this I don’t want to do this, it’s gonna be okay it’s gonna be okay it’s gonna be okay…’

And I remember as this doctor’s cutting me up, Dr. R, he’s having a personal conversation with Dr. P about the Olympic male gymnast who broke his tibia.

And I’m sitting there thinking, I’m not even here. Like I’m not even here. It doesn’t even matter.

I remember just trying to stay awake enough to hear my baby cry because I wanted to make sure he was okay.”